Are we in a gay sports bar?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
