but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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