He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
