I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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