We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think i have herpe
just one?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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