all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
