before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
