Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
