Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
