so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
