I heard we made out
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
