I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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