Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
