I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
