You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
