we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
