Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
