I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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