i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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