i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
