You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize