Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
