I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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