Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
