Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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