I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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