everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
