Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize