as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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