i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
