just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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