I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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