Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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