If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize