Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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