So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
