I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
