If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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