You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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