the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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