I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
