i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
