i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
