I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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