Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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