sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's always time for handjobs
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
