I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
