1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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