I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
