Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
