Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize