I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
