She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
