I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i now understand why vodka
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
