How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
