sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
