Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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