I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
