Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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