i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
