Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
