Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
