yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
