She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
