just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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