nut hugger
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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