I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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