You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
