His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
