The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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