You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
