ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
