How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
