Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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