Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
