Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
