I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
